You KNOW life is fabulous and you KNOW that you are a good mother. You sacrifice your life for your child. And sometimes you just dream about how life would be in a perfect world.
"What If I was Married? And I didn't have to pay Day care, Car insurance, Medical Bills, Medical Insurance, Gas, Food, Anything that breaks, Phone Bills, ETC..by myself? what if I wasn't mom and dad?"
"What if I made enough money to work part time? What if it wasn't a shuffle to find a way to work and be a mom all the time like I want?"
"What if...What if....What if...."I have had that a lot lately. I want to tell you what my "What if" looks like normally each day when I wake up at 6am ad get myself ready for work and my son ready for school and contemplate when the time is that I do homework.
My What If:
"What if I was married and I got to work part time, I got to actually sit and have a cup of tea while my son is at school, AFTER I got him in the car for school, had more time to kiss him an extra time before he ran into the classroom with his friends. I had someone there to bounce ideas off of everyday. I had other income other than just my own? I had someone else to stay up with my son when he is sick so I don't stay up and then run into the exhaustion that I have to suck up in order to work myself? Or stay home with him because we are sick and I could actually afford to be home from work for a day. Having someone there besides 7 pillows to cuddle with. Someone else to pray with every night. Someone to kiss me in the morning and at night to just say" Good morning Beautiful, have a good day" and "Good night darling, hope you had a good day, tell me how our son was and what you did today".I am not Naive. I know marriage is not like that pure bliss...for everyone. And I am not selfish.
HOWEVER
I do know that in my life I have a goal to be certain kind of mom, and honestly I would be a darn good wife! And some of that I know I need to be married to achieve- For instance, the mom and dad roles to be divided correctly, including head of household responsibilities, and the partnership.
HOWEVER AGAIN
I have come to a place where I have learned that some of the aspirations I can achieve as a single mom and my "dreams" become converted to a version in which I can obtain.
What if I can have a place of my own with my son and move out of my grandparents house. I can do so very soon because with my grandparents support I will be finishing my second associate's degree and obtaining my certification for Medical Assistant and off to a career I go. Perhaps I may stay in school and finish my bachelor's of science online as well, as I wanted to in the first place.
Suddenly...my dreams are in reach.
When you think positive, dream positive, change the dream a bit to your reality.
For instance,
I kept saying "I want a house, I want to decorate it, I want to drive my son to school daily, be an involved mother in his classroom and not have to work all the time. I want to have time to make dinner AND play with my son, and one day get married."
Well problem solved:
Instead of a house I would love to rent an apartment, condo or townhouse. I still have my decor from my last apartment with my old roommate. I do work full time but by trying out different jobs the past year in different fields I have found the degree/certification/field and job type with schedule that I would need to work 8-5 full time and be able to drive my son to and from school. Still hard but not impossible (thanks to extended day). Also I can make dinner with my son, very educational and we get to have fun together. While I finish school we do homework together and I keep him OUT of my stress about finances. I get to kiss my son at night and we ask each other how our days were. We pray together, even in sign language to help him learn another language as well. And my son has started kissing me and telling me how much he loves me- feel good factor is take care of!
This was a long post, but basically just to say. When you are HAPPY and CONTENT where you are your dreams tag along and become fruitions of your happiness...only if you allow them.
One Day I will still get married, and one day I will hopefully work part time and be able to hang out with moms that I always wanted to at those groups (Moms there are 10-20yrs older than me anyway lol but I relate due to my circumstances).
As a single mom you cannot let people's happiness and parenting situations drag you down. find your happiness and strive for what you want on the time that life allows for you.
god has a plan, just go for the ride knowing that (in the words of Pete the Cat) "It's All Good!"
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